Has anyone ever said to you "Just be yourself"? That used to baffle me. At first I'd think "OK, so how do I do that?" In time I changed to thinking "But this IS me! Who else CAN I be?" The advice to "just be yourself" is usually given when you're trying to accomplish something and are probably feeling unsure or even anxious about the outcome. Maybe it's a job interview, first date or an important presentation and you want to make the right impression, say the right thing, look good and have a successful outcome. It's understandable that you might want to please the other person(s) and be accepted, so you try to behave in a way that gains their approval. However, the desire to please someone else, to adapt to their ways and avoid losing their approval, can mean we lose touch with who we really are.
Over time, the layers of false veneer, that we present to the outside world, become a hardened shell that traps and weighs us down. As your soul quietly shrinks inside your artificial outer coating, you gradually lose the ability to truly enjoy life to the full. The real you is caught in a pattern that you didn't even know was starting and now you have no idea how to break free. Now you can make a choice - to endure the familiar discomfort or pain of remaining as you are, or to risk the discomfort or pain of doing things differently. And who knows what the outcome of either choice will be?
The Pace of Change
I don't believe it's as simple as suddenly throwing off the mask and cloak to reveal the true you. There can be landmark times along the way when something huge shifts, but I think it's more a case of continual cultivation of a life worth living. As always, this month's message comes from the themes observed in client sessions and my own personal development journey. So many people are finding themselves to be in a good place at this time. There's a greater awareness of personal strengths and available resources.
A new Step that emerged in Gateway 40 this month is: 'Clearing emotional patterns that took root in childhood but that you've now outgrown'. As little ones, we are largely powerless to change our life situation. We might cope by escaping into our imagination and how our life will be when we grow up. Well one day we might realise that we HAVE grown up! So it could be time to stop the fantasies for a while and accept the reality of things as they are. This may mean you feel an emotion you wanted to avoid, like grief, sadness, anger or shame. But now that you're a grown-up, you can do something about the unpleasant situation.
The Value of Maturity
You can now take responsibility and take action. If you blame someone else, yourself, or even God, you are missing the opportunity to turn your life around and go in a better direction. When we become fully mature, healthy adults we begin to be more inter-dependent in our relationships. Not only can we take good care of ourselves, we can begin extending that care towards others, but this time we don't lose our real selves in the process.
In any situation we can ask "Does this bring me joy?" or "Do I have peace about this?" In any relationship we can ask "Do I feel valued and respected by this person?" or "Am I being kind and patient towards them?" As we grow in maturity and life experience, we can learn to trust appropriately. We can become more confident in our ability to endure. As the new Step in Gateway 29 says: 'Having something valuable to offer that helps people to live their best life'. The real you is the person God designed you to be. God knew you before you were born, so trust in your Creator and enjoy every day as a voyage of discovery. And look around you at your traveling companions and enjoy the journey of learning to live well together.
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'How to Succeed at Being Yourself' by Joyce Meyer I first read this book in September 2004, when Joyce came from the USA to the NEC Birmingham. It gives a refreshing approach, from a spiritual perspective, of learning to be your true self.
